How to Deal with Real Life (Being a Realist Part 2)

Foreword by @AshPariseau.

She’s a dating and relationship blogger but she’s one of the few that I’ve seen that doesn’t just offer cookie cutter bullshit dating advice and generalize things for women. We’ve actually written some similar posts before, so it’s not surprising we collaborated. Check out her blog if you want to get a woman’s view on life and relationships that isn’t blindly guided by emotion.

There’s no doubt that technology has changed the way we interact with one another over the last couple of decades. Now it’s easier than ever to communicate instantly with everyone we know through various platforms, and this includes the way we are dating and forming romantic relationships.

At first glance, this can be considered a wonderful development in social relations, but does our current reality always reflect a positive outlook?

These days it seems as though everyone has a phone or device that they use as a main source of communication.

Instead of going out on actual dates in person, we are doing video calls and snap-chatting. Texting and facebook. Twitter and instagram. It isn’t just a fun past time anymore.

It has become an addiction that has, for the most part, replaced actual face to face time.

Can we really even call this dating? You’d think that with all this constant connection, that we would be closer. Yet how is it that we have gotten so far away from each other?

Maybe we have allowed relationships to be this way because we see it as convenient. We think we are getting close to those we like by being in constant reach of them, but if everything we have to talk about with people is through text, what is going to be left when we do finally spend time with them?

The truth is that there’s a certain level of emotional intimacy and personal closeness that we can only get from being in person.

The message is even becoming clear in more mainstream media. The band, Nothing But Thieves has a song called Trip Switch with a commentary on our current state of technological dependence, with lyrics, “I get my love in a digital package / What do we do when the power’s out?”

Modern technology isn’t cheap, but we have seemed to allow it to cheapen our relationships with people. I even have heard people exclaim, “I don’t really feel the need to hang out with friends anymore. I get enough of them online.” It’s kind of sad when you think about it that way, but the good news is that we have the power to change that.

There’s nothing wrong with texting and communication through these social media outlets, but don’t let it take over and become the primary way in which you engage with people. It’s time we start putting the quality back in our relationships, and we can do that by creating a healthy balance of social media interaction and physically spending time with ones we care about.

She addresses a major issue in the psyche of people today period – instant validation. It all breaks down to 2 major facets of this mindset:

  • They don’t have a strong enough mindset to deal with real life, they’re still stuck in the mind-frame of being in elementary school and able to tell the teacher every time someone hurt their feelings or insulted them. In real life people are shot and killed, abducted and tortured, raped and killed – but these people want to ruin the entire livelihoods of other people for disagreeing with them on Twitter or for using “offensive language”.
  • They’re too invested in their online friends and online persona, and it doesn’t match the person that they are when they log off. Many people go online and pretend so they can live the lives of someone they wish they were, instead of working to build that reality for them in the real world.

The real world is cold, as I have stated before – and a lot of people cannot handle that. When people turn off the computer and look into a mirror they hate what they see. People may think of themselves as ugly, fat, or some other insecurity that they let take too much of a bearing on their life and it’s disastrous.

Instead of worrying so much about what others think of you, why not spend that time bettering yourself and learning how to love yourself and your life? Why spend so much time focusing on everything that’s going wrong in life instead of maximizing the time spent on the positives?

Part of why so many reason are so unhappy with their lives is because they’re holding onto too much toxicity. Toxic people, toxic environments, toxic memories and mindsets that they don’t realize are only keeping them from advancing.

The longer you stand in toxic sludge the sicker you’ll get, until you eventually die. That’s the reality of life.

The longer you keep holding out for your friend or significant other because “they’ll hopefully change soon” the deeper into the rabbit hole you’re going. It’s nearly impossible to change people that already take advantage of you, especially if you don’t realize you’re being taken advantage of.

Letting people walk over you because you have some type of attachment to them is the #1 way to let them suck the life out of you until you’re all used up, and then throw you to the curb for them to find the next victim. We see it in relationships, we see it in marriages, we see it in friendships and even with family members. I can attest to it (see bottom of post).

One of the best ways of dealing with real life is to come to the realization that no one matters more to your life than you. Letting people stick around in your life because you’re afraid of living without them or you don’t know what you’ll do without them is poisonous. Letting people matter to you more than you matter to them is a quick way to end up mentally damaged and in a state of despair.

You have to learn how to get rid of people when they start to see you as an object to be used for their benefit rather than a human being. If someone sees you as an asset, rather than an associate or a friend they’re no good for you.

Realize that no matter how hard you work in life, no matter how much you pray and beg and plead that you wont always get your way. Sometimes you can put in 150% effort only to lose to someone who put in half that, but is of a higher status. Those are the faults of life, and you can either get over it and apply your disappointment in the form of fuel to your next pursuit, or you can whine and complain and cry until you still don’t end up getting your way.

You will not get everything in life that you want immediately, and that is especially true in the form of gratification. It’s very true that social media has ruined relationships, whether platonic or romantic. People get into arguments and get their feelings hurt over twitter and end friendships, people get exposed for cheating, fraud and corruption and a host of other things.

The fact that you can pick up your phone and be instantly connected with millions of other people, or that one special person you want to talk to is enticing. The allure of having the power to have them there may seem validating at first, but it eventually gets to the point where people substitute the internet for real life.

Women get all dressed up and show their ass off on social media for likes because they likely aren’t getting enough attention from men in the real world. Yet these are the same types of women who will claim to not want to be approached by men and not be sexual beings but every time you see them you see a side of thighs and breasts to go along with it. Where is the logic in that? 

Men will gloat about doing everything illegal on every type of social media knowing that the government tracks all of it, and then when they get caught up. Those are the ones (usually black, but of other races too) that you commonly see on COPS and other types of shows doing stupid illegal shit on camera and them claiming “I DINDU NUFFIN” when they’re caught. Again, any logic found? 

Within a few seconds you can call, text or facetime your love interest and instantly get a breakdown of everything they’re doing in the moment. The rise of validation has made this one of the most annoying things about relationships – gone are the days where you had to wait until you had free time to call them on the phone and talk about your lives and how your day’s gone.

These days you learn everything a girl is doing at the moment or moments after she’s done it, and by the end of the day you don’t have anything to talk about anymore because you got a live stream of her entire day.

People don’t know how to deal with real life because they spend too much time in the online world. It’s important to disconnect sometimes, and I don’t just mean closing the twitter app and going to watch tv.

You need to go out and enjoy life more. You likely live in a city that has a lot of places you’ve never visited or gone before, you need to go out and experience life more. Meet new people, go to new places, expand the things that you already know and learn more – that is important as you can never learn too much.

Realize that real life isn’t the internet, which is positive and negative. Stop letting insults and “harassment” that isn’t affecting the flow of your real life bother you and your mood. If they only bother you because online is your real life and you have no escape: get a life. It’s that simple.

Remove the toxic people from your life. Remove yourself from toxic situations and environments, don’t be afraid to leave people behind because you think they’ll be mad or upset – they likely don’t think about the irritation or disappointment they’re causing you, so why should their feelings be more important than yours?

You are not a Victim. There are people in life in the same situation as you, there are people in life in better situations than you – but the only way you’re going to increase your confidence and status is by constantly seeking to improve yourself, constantly looking to evolve.

Survival of the fittest is true in society, and the weak-minded who cry at insults and don’t know how to fight back when life comes at you swinging are destined to fail.

All in all, don’t be afraid to be you, but don’t become content with staying the same. Don’t be a prisoner of life, stuck being another cog in the machine bred to work until you die. Make a change in your life today, don’t put it off until tomorrow or you’ll find yourself stuck in the same position you are now this time next year.

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